Tag Archives: love

I Know What You Thought Last Summer

27 Mar

Ladies – You know how when you’re feeling really emotional and sensitive and cry at something like a photo of a monkey holding a bird – see photo –  it’s easy as a woman to say “Jesus I must, MUST be starting my period”! monkey I love being able to say that. And usually it rings true for me since I get hormonal with the changing moons and tides along with billions of women. BUT I’ve been feeling like that this week and I know for sure I can’t use that as an excuse dammit, since I just used that excuse last week. I feel so sensitive and emotional and I’m realizing there is a part of me that likes feeling like this and needs it. It feels like a strange sort of relief. I feel more alive and vulnerable and connected in a way I haven’t for a while.
Luckily I have friends with whom to have long philosophical conversations and it got me thinking about communication and what’s that all about anyway.
Everyone always talks about the importance of communication. I’m sure you’ve heard how you gotta keep those lines of communication open, say what you mean, speak up for yourself etc. etc.. But did you know 85% of communication is NONverbal?!  85%!!!
Sometimes I like to envision my mind as an amber alert system and that every thought I think flashes across for the world to see. Certain people you feel awesome around and certain people you feel the total opposite. Someone can be saying all the right words but you just ain’t feelin it! That non verbal communication is a big chunk of it. It’s simply the vibe of a person place or thing.

I remember picking apart someone I was dating but keeping all the judgements to myself. One day he was telling me what he thought I thought about him and said “I think you think I’m an alcoholic”. and I snuffed and huffed saying WHAAAAT!! I’ve nevvvvver said that!? Where in the world? I mean… would you get such an idea??”, and inside my head I was silently saying “shit how does he know!?” And a friend reminded me, well he’s right and that IS what you think about him cus I hear you say it all the time so I’m sure he picks up on that even if subconsciously. Crap! Our thoughts really are things and people can feel them. Even from miles away. Acting only gets you so far. When our words line up with our thoughts and actions we experience integrity and then life can play itself out better than any performance or show we try to put on.
I picture it like we’re taught to go out into the world and put on this heavy shield of armor and then come home to our families and lovers but no one knows how to takes off their protective covering so it’s a bunch of people clinking and clacking around unable to connect. Imagine two people lying in bed with full knights regalia Game of Thrones style. That is one heavy crowded bed.

knights
The more I start to work with people in my coaching practice, the more I realize how fragile we all are and I mean in the most amazing ways. Brene Brown says it well:

We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection.

There is nothing more sacred than having someone share how they are deeply feeling or just being in the space where you know its OK for you to do the same. That’s the kind of environment you can relax in and just be yourself.
Do you give yourself the same break and space to just relax without judgement or the constant push? Can you do that for someone in your life? Just give em a break for being human?
As cliched as it sounds I’m seeing more and more how much we all need each other and that what we’re really craving is connection, authenticity and vulnerability in our relationships and in our lives. It starts with you. That way I don’t have to do anything. Just kidding 🙂 It starts with me and that’s why I’m writing these little notes each week and revealing all.
Where in your life have you practiced being vulnerable lately and what were the results? I would love to hear from you below. Woo woo.

Love,
Carla

xo

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ARE YOU DEAD OR ARE YOU SLEEPING?

6 Mar

“The worst mistake you can make is being too afraid to make one”

How easy is it to get totally lost in our heads?! I don’t know about you, except that I’m sure you’re a lot like me, but I can easily forget that life is meant to be lived and not thought. Its called life! That should be my first clue.

But, nonetheless my mind loves to take a problem and wrestle it to the ground. I will spend sleepless nights, endless hours of discussion, while filling entire journals with my beautiful mind type writings and still be NO CLOSER to any answer, clarity, direction or decision. I am almost certain no good comes from thinking. I may soon come to the conclusion that thinking is totally useless. But I can’t claim that just yet. I reeeally have to think about it first.

Did you know Einstein and countless other inventor, genius, artists alike repeatedly stated that their big bang idea arose at a time when they were NOT thinking. They were either A. fast asleep B. doing something mindless like driving or C. out laughing having a good time when an idea popped into their head…out of thin air.

The best ideas just come to us, they appear out of nowhere from that crazy harlem shaker in the sky. We dont think them into existence. Ever. We just have to be open to receiving.

So here are a few things I like to remember to get out of my head and into my life:

fredtobe

1. We are all gonna die – Gotcha! Well, really we are all gonna die. Remembering this wakes me up and puts everything into major perspective. The should I call?, does he care?, what did that mean?, should I say something?, I don’t know?, really should I say something?, should I stay?, go?, no?, what?, really doesn’t matter at ALL. It’s just a way to avoid living. Don’t fall for it.

2. “Clarity comes through engagement not through thought” – M. Forleo – In order to know what you want, what you really really want, you need to get out there and actually experience that thing you say you want on some level. People think they want to travel more, but until you actually take some trips and do the damn thing you may realize that you don’t, in all reality, want the thing you think you’ve been longing for all these years. It turns out you may NOT want to live in Tahiti, be a rockstar, have kids, or work from home.

3. Life lives outside of your comfort zone – I don’t know who said this, but it points to what we all want, which is to feel alive. And this little piece of wisdom is telling us where to find the thing we so desire. Life! To feel life flowing through us and to feel connected to the energy surrounding us we have to continuously challenge ourselves to step beyond whats comfortable. Just a step is enough. Life is never going to be found in your head. Stretch yourself, do something scary or uncomfortable, do the risky thing today and see how alive you feel. Sure you may feel shaky and your heart may be racing from being vulnerable, but you know what you just met? Life.

Til next week

Stay Alive!

Love,
Carla

xo

HOW TO FIX EVERYTHING IN ONE EASY STEP

27 Feb

I was hanging out with a girlfriend the other weekend, getting ready to go out for a relaxing movie/dinner/catch up combo night. This friend, I’ll call her Jamie, cus that’s her name, has recently lost some weight and is looking fit, healthy, strong and honestly fantastic! Not only has she lost some weight she informed me, but she’s actually reached the holy land, the final destination, Le pie in Le sky number. You know the one. Yes ladies and gentlemen…Jamie has reached her goal weight.  Loud thunderous applause. Aaaand the crowd goes Wiiiilllllddddd – (said in booming Oprah voice) World changed right!? Ehhhhh… welllll… mmmmm. No.

It turns out losing weight does NOT solve the world’s problems, and a lot of times doesn’t even resolve our own.  Say WHAT!? Now don’t get me wrong. Losing weight is a great thing, in fact it’s the best thing you can do for an overtaxed, overweight, over the heaviness of it all body. Not carrying around an extra 20 or 50 pounds of weight every day really does free up a lot of energy, resolves a host of health problems, and makes navigating the world a lot more comfortable.
 
However, it does not change the most important part of our physical experience. Losing weight does not change the nature of the mind.
 
Now I’m sure weight loss changes  brain chemistry, balances hormones, and may even get you in sync with the tides of the moon or some mystical experience like that. I wouldn’t be one bit surprised what feeling connected to your body can do, but WOWZA what a mind can do.
 
For the rest of the night, all I heard baby girl talk about was the millimeter of skin hanging off her left arm, and the lines on her forehead and whether she should botox her brow and ohmygosh why am i nitpickingmyselftodeath craziness!! In that moment we both got hit upside the head with some real truth.

Any action taken from a place of NOT loving you is a temporary fix.
 
As soon as you’ve lost the weight, the mind will simply find something else that’s “wrong”, and off you go again. An unquestioned mind is a surefire recipe for self-criticism, disappointment, and at it’s worst pure, unadulterated self-hatred.
 
You don’t like your body so you lose weight, but now you realize you don’t like yourself . Snap! Whats a girl to do?!
 
If you are on a quest to FIX everything wrong with you, and IF for some reason you’ve put ANY piece of your life on hold until said thing is fixed. I got news for you sistah friend. The problem is not your _____(fill in the blah)____ , the problem resides in your mind. The only place real “fixing” can begin.
 
Really loving and accepting yourself exactly as you are, is the only way to experience lasting peace and happiness. Imagine living as if everything you got goin on is perfection, down to the hair on your chinny chin chin. What if you never again felt the need to fix you? Doesn’t mean you can’t still change what you want, but do it from a place of love as opposed to from a place of improvement. Do you see the difference?
 
You may like your hair to be thicker, skin to be clearer, butt to be smaller, but you don’t need any of them to feel good.  What if you could just let it all go and really love yourself exactly as you are. Next time the nasty voice comes up, you know what you could do? You can even love the nasty voice! Say “Thanks ass-hole”, just kidding, say “Thank you nasty voice, thanks for sharing and I love you”. Doing this on a regular basis silences your inner critic.
 
A mind not at war with itself, a cheerful spirit, a heart overflowing with love. Would you trade whiter teeth and a “perfect” body for a happy heart so in love with life? Hell no!
 
Happiness. Do you know how wildly attractive that is? Thats why people love babies! Babies don’t give a F! They just lay there, like little blobs and we love the hell out of them. Try being a baby this week… not doing, not fixing, not striving, just being, loving and accepting you and everyone you come in contact with, and see the calming influence you hold.  Let me know how this ONE step changes everything.
 
Love,
Carla
xo