Tag Archives: brene brown

I Know What You Thought Last Summer

27 Mar

Ladies – You know how when you’re feeling really emotional and sensitive and cry at something like a photo of a monkey holding a bird – see photo –  it’s easy as a woman to say “Jesus I must, MUST be starting my period”! monkey I love being able to say that. And usually it rings true for me since I get hormonal with the changing moons and tides along with billions of women. BUT I’ve been feeling like that this week and I know for sure I can’t use that as an excuse dammit, since I just used that excuse last week. I feel so sensitive and emotional and I’m realizing there is a part of me that likes feeling like this and needs it. It feels like a strange sort of relief. I feel more alive and vulnerable and connected in a way I haven’t for a while.
Luckily I have friends with whom to have long philosophical conversations and it got me thinking about communication and what’s that all about anyway.
Everyone always talks about the importance of communication. I’m sure you’ve heard how you gotta keep those lines of communication open, say what you mean, speak up for yourself etc. etc.. But did you know 85% of communication is NONverbal?!  85%!!!
Sometimes I like to envision my mind as an amber alert system and that every thought I think flashes across for the world to see. Certain people you feel awesome around and certain people you feel the total opposite. Someone can be saying all the right words but you just ain’t feelin it! That non verbal communication is a big chunk of it. It’s simply the vibe of a person place or thing.

I remember picking apart someone I was dating but keeping all the judgements to myself. One day he was telling me what he thought I thought about him and said “I think you think I’m an alcoholic”. and I snuffed and huffed saying WHAAAAT!! I’ve nevvvvver said that!? Where in the world? I mean… would you get such an idea??”, and inside my head I was silently saying “shit how does he know!?” And a friend reminded me, well he’s right and that IS what you think about him cus I hear you say it all the time so I’m sure he picks up on that even if subconsciously. Crap! Our thoughts really are things and people can feel them. Even from miles away. Acting only gets you so far. When our words line up with our thoughts and actions we experience integrity and then life can play itself out better than any performance or show we try to put on.
I picture it like we’re taught to go out into the world and put on this heavy shield of armor and then come home to our families and lovers but no one knows how to takes off their protective covering so it’s a bunch of people clinking and clacking around unable to connect. Imagine two people lying in bed with full knights regalia Game of Thrones style. That is one heavy crowded bed.

The more I start to work with people in my coaching practice, the more I realize how fragile we all are and I mean in the most amazing ways. Brene Brown says it well:

We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection.

There is nothing more sacred than having someone share how they are deeply feeling or just being in the space where you know its OK for you to do the same. That’s the kind of environment you can relax in and just be yourself.
Do you give yourself the same break and space to just relax without judgement or the constant push? Can you do that for someone in your life? Just give em a break for being human?
As cliched as it sounds I’m seeing more and more how much we all need each other and that what we’re really craving is connection, authenticity and vulnerability in our relationships and in our lives. It starts with you. That way I don’t have to do anything. Just kidding 🙂 It starts with me and that’s why I’m writing these little notes each week and revealing all.
Where in your life have you practiced being vulnerable lately and what were the results? I would love to hear from you below. Woo woo.